Last week my awesome friend Mike and I took advantage of one of my job perks, and went to see Legally Blonde at the Civic Theatre. Let me just say, it was way funnier and wittier than I went in expecting it to be. If it comes to your city, go see it.
Mike and I met a couple of years back at a mutual friend’s birthday party, and hit it off immediately. We spent the next four days in a row doing all sorts of fun stuff together, prompting the connector friend to say at one point “You know, if Mike were straight this would be the most perfect start to a relationship ever.” One of the things we did that weekend was attend the final dress rehearsal of the new musical debuting at the La Jolla Playhouse, Memphis. Ring a bell? That’s because it’s the show that has since gone on to Broadway, and was attended by the Obama girls just a couple of weeks ago. I’m glad it got the needed attention, because it’s a great show. Again – if it comes to your city, go see it. Support the arts, people!
Ahem. You thought this blog was about food? You’re right, back to it. After the show, Mike and I were both starving so we walked over to a big downtown restaurant called The Yard House. Tons of beers on tap, basic extensive American menu, but most importantly, late night happy hour! It also has hard wood floors, with which I became intimately acquainted when the sole of my non-slip-resistant pointy toed high heel slid right out from underneath me and dropped me on my ass. “Oh no!” you might be thinking. “She fell down! In public! How terribly embarrassing for her!” Well…here’s the thing. I do that. Kind of a lot. I’ve done it, in fact, in pretty much every imaginable scenario. When I popped back up, it didn’t even occur to me to be embarrassed. I simply asked Mike “Is that really the first time you’ve ever seen me do that? Just fall flat out for no apparent reason? Wow. Well, congratulations – you’ve finally been initiated into really and truly knowing me.” The manager zoomed over to our table with an impressive quickness, and asked me at least five times if I was ok. She wanted to write down my name and number “just in case” so I gave her my business card, while flashing my most convincing “I promise I’m not going to sue you” smile. (she checked on me three more times anyway) After much happy hour menu perusing, I settled on an order of Bearnaise Sliders. I couldn’t remember exactly what went into a bearnaise sauce, other than butter and eggs and some sort of herb. When it arrived, we tasted it with the shoestring fries and tried to figure out what the heck was in it. I swore I tasted cinnamon, while Mike was pretty sure there was something sweet lurking in the creamy yellow depths. In any case, it wasn’t earth shattering. Just a condiment that kept the burger from being dry.
I promised to look up what made a bearnaise a bearnaise the next day, using my ever trusty friend the internet. The secret was in the herb I couldn’t remember. Tarragon! (I’m not sure what was in the Yard House stuff, but if it was tarragon, it was the weirdest tasting version I’ve ever had) In a happy coincidence, my FMB preview email popped up the very next day, and lo and behold! Tarragon! French tarragon, from Coleman Family Farms to be exact. Looks like somebody’s learning to make bearnaise! (hint – it’s me)
In another serendipitous turn of events, the guys in my IT department at work love this techie nerd website called
woot.com. Every day, they post one killer deal on some random item – usually electronic, computer, or otherwise IT guy friendly. This day however, they had cedar cooking planks on offer. Knowing that quite a few of us in the office like to play around in the kitchen, our graphic designer made it a point to mention that if a few of us went in on it, we’d get an extra super killer deal. I wound up with four planks, for six bucks total – including shipping. Not bad, huh? I’d already planned to cook up some salmon as a vehicle for the bearnaise, along with the FMB pencil asparagus from Life’s a Choke. The addition of the cedar planks in my life just made it more fun! They’re actually designed for use on an outdoor grill, so I wasn’t really sure how they’d fair in the oven. I soaked them in water for 30 minutes as instructed, and then got everything ready to go. (I added an artichoke to the mix just because I had it on hand)
I was a little paranoid about the wood catching fire, so I went with a 350 degree setting and checked in every five minutes or so to make sure everything was copacetic. It was. In fact, having everything closed up tight in the oven had a nice side effect – the wet planks caused everything to steam lightly as it cooked, in addition to imparting it with the woodsy flavor and aroma of the cedar. I lost track of how long I left it in, to be honest. I’m guessing somewhere between 25 and 30 minutes. I pulled the asparagus first, then about five minutes later the salmon, and five after that, the artichoke. The salmon stayed so nice and bright pink that I was afraid at first that it wasn’t cooking properly. Then I poked it with a fork, and it flaked beautifully. It was moist and tender in a way I never knew salmon could be – it borded on juicy, if that’s possible. About five minutes before the fish was done, I got started on the bearnaise. The recipe said to serve it immediately after it was finished cooking, and I suspected they weren’t kidding in an application like this. A typical bearnaise is an emulsion containing egg yolks, vinegar, salt & pepper, white wine, shallot, tarragon and…butter. A LOT of butter. One and half sticks of butter. In the midst of my saucy research, I stumbled upon a butterless version that had gotten some good reviews. I could see how the science of it might work, as it contained an extra egg yolk and the addition of dijon mustard to the mix. Seeing as how egg yolks and mustard are both emulsifiers, it made sense. The desire to eliminate one and half sticks of butter from my dinner beat out the desire to create the truest available form of any recipe before I start messing around with it. In the end, I goofed it up a little and just wound up with a nearly butterless bearnaise. The method calls for a double boiler, and the water in my bottom pan was too hot. This caused my sauce to almost immediately go from light and frothy to thick and clumpy. Acting fast, I removed the pan from the heat and whisked in two additional tablespoons of water, along with two tablespoons of butter. Just a few seconds back on the heat, a little more whisking, and it smoothed out beautifully.
I’m a little at a loss for words to describe what happened next. I sniffed, I prodded a little with my fork, and then I tasted. Ho-lee heavens to betsy, people. It was amazing. This was one of those plates of food that makes you want to lift it close to your face, and sing cute little songs to it. Coo, and smile, and talk nonsense to it. Sink down on the couch because your knees gave out and you had no other choice but to sit. Close your eyes and make ridiculous faces and slightly obscene noises at it as you eat it. It was Just. That. Good. Either that, or I was just really hungry after all that soaking and baking/steaming and tense moments whisking. I’m tending to lean toward the former though, because when I took the leftovers into work today, at least half a dozen people sniffed me out and produced plastic forks as if from thin air to sneak a taste. There was a good bit of moaning, which is as good an argument as any I can think of.
Who knows, the version with the gazillion calories worth of butter fat may be so transcendant that this one would taste like gutter water by comparison. Normally I’d at least be interested enough in finding out to try it both ways. In this case though, I’m utterly happy to remain ignorant in my (almost) butterless bliss.
Butter-free Bearnaise Sauce
By John Mitzewich, About.com Guide
Ingredients:
4 egg yolks
1 tbsp tarragon mustard (or 2 tsp Dijon and 1 tbsp minced fresh tarragon)
1 tsp fresh course ground black pepper
1 1/2 tbsp white wine vinegar, or tarragon vinegar
1 tbsp water
salt to taste
(optional additions)
1/2 tbsp finely minced shallots
pinch of cayenne pepper
1 tbsp fresh chopped tarragon
Preparation:
Add all ingredients, except salt, to a stainless steel mixing bowl. Place the bowl over a saucepan with about a inch of water boiling in it (this is called a “double boiler”) or simply place the bowl over the lowest flame setting. You can raise and lower the bowl to control the heat.
Whisk until the mixture thickens, becomes light and foamy, and is barely hot to the touch. If you cook too long it will get very thick and start to stick to the bowl. Remove from heat, add salt to taste, and serve immediately.
